The search for a D/s partner is fraught with problems and obstacles. It is important to know in one's mind what we are looking for. This piece, while very personal in its nature sums up very well the sort of standards which we all should set for ourselves and others. At first reading, the qualities outlined here might seem to have been set too high, however if they are not, we may end up accepting second best because we really didn't know what we wanted in the first place.
The most important quality i seek in a Dominant, is compatibility. If there is even to be any hope of a relationship, this area is first and foremost. There is no compromise here as my beliefs are central to who i am, and an integral part of my being. However, trying to put all those beliefs into the written word is difficult. The Dominant and i must be of the same mind when it comes to interpretation and expression of our Spirituality. This does not mean there is not room for growth, flexibility or even change, but rather, core issues that are central to each person's persona need to be in harmony. This area needs to be carefully and thoroughly discussed, and at length in order to ascertain each person's particular values and interpretation of Scripture and how it is lived day to day.
Ultimately i seek a Dominant Man who will become my Husband and therefore my *'Kurios' or 'Master'. He would then be my 'head' according to the principles set down in the Bible. Anything less then marriage is not acceptable, in the long run. Once we speak the vows of matrimony, that is it, there is no turning back, i know i must and i will submit to him in everything, in everyway. To me that is the significance of the vows i am taking, are equal to at least as a submissive/slave taking the collar of her Master.
In order to be able to bring about the foregoing level of submission there are going to be various requirements, on both sides, that will need to be met, over time. Added to this are multiple wants and desires for each person to strive for and to achieve. A lot of planning and discussion and carefully thought out principles and guidelines will need to be put in place.
Top of my list of needs is the need to be loved. Totally. For who i am as a person, and for my potential of who i can become. Any insecurities that I have developed over the years is going to impact on the relationship in one way or another, and a potential Dominant would need to be able to help me work through these issues, to help me build trust again. In this regard he would need to be very, very patient, and understanding.
A potential Dominant would need to have the ability to listen, and to really hear what I am saying, asking for and giving feedback to verify if we are on the same wavelength. Clear, open and honest communication is essential to establish and maintain, at all times. Misunderstandings can easily come about as a result of each person interpretation/s of what is said due to the variations in individual styles of communication.
It is also necessary for my Dominant/Husband to allow me to vent, rant and rage at times and not take it personally, to know when to hold me when im scared and to know when to firmly tell me enough is enough. In this respect, appropriate times, venue, space and method should be discussed and agreed upon prior to any commitment being made.
The Kurios of my heart needs to have strength of character, to show integrity in his business dealings, whether large or small, and be honest with himself and others, thus earning the respect of his peers and community, as a result He would be someone I can look up to and admire, trust and respect. He is a Man of His word and His word is His honour. Yet He is honest and humble enough to admit when He is wrong and then makes amends for His mistakes. He needs to be a man of his principles and to not be easily swayed by current trends or popular opinion, yet be open to listening to others and flexible enough to adapt appropriately to circumstances.
The Dominant that I seek needs to be in control, firstly of His own emotions and actions, in order that He can and will control (to varying degrees) many areas of my life. Safety of body, mind and spirit are His primary concerns at all times, for both of us. He also needs to be in control of His finances and not prone to extravagant, whimsical or irrational expenses that jeopardize other commitments or previously agreed upon terms. If and when changes need to be made to income or expenditure then both parties need to have input and discuss the ramifications of the changes. I will respect His decision, and admire him even more for having consulted me and considered my opinions and input.
I seek a Dominant who can be my best friend, He would be someone I can share my inner most secrets with and to whom I can reveal my deepest longings and desires, my fears and hopes. Someone who I know I can trust with that precious information about me. He will hold those secrets close to His heart knowing that they have been given in absolute trust and faith. He will honor the gift with the highest regard and treasure this aspect of my submission just as much as any physical surrender. He will want to share with me all His inner most thoughts and feelings, His desires and needs. In this way we will grow to know each other more and more and the trust and bond will grow deeper and stronger.
The Dominant that I desire is someone who has a tender, caring side, who knows how to lightly brush and catch my tears before they fall, who can kiss away my hurts with feather like touch, and tenderly caress my aches and pains. His words will soothe my soul when it is tormented and His presence will usher in peace. His care and concern for me extends beyond physical closeness and intimacy, He allays my fears by reassuring me when I am feeling vulnerable.
The Dominant I seek is a chivalrous man, He is gallant in word and deed, not for show or to falsely prop himself up but from a genuine desire to protect and uphold the principles of defending the weak and powerless.
The Dominant is one who can exert his power to his full advantage, leaving no shadow of doubt that He is lord and master of his home. Strength of will and single-minded focus is the character of the Dominant for me. He is one who commands without speaking, his presence prevails over those around him, yet without causing irrational fear. He is able to wield His authority without unduly imposing on others, yet elicits compliance from those under him.
I seek a Dominant who can overcome my resistance to change, who can inspire me to try harder, strive higher and dig deeper. One who can guide me with his wisdom and knowledge and steer me towards choices that are ultimately better for all concerned.
I wish to be set goals that I can achieve and encourage me to go further. I need to have clearly defined boundaries and guidelines that allow me room to move and grow yet do not stifle my inner being.
The Dominant I seek will be willing to put in the hard work and effort that is needed in the long term for us both to attain that ultimate objective, that of being Dominant and submissive. He is willing to grow and learn along the path with me, He is committed to the Journey.
Though by nature I will defer to him, I need to know I can trust his judgment in matters both large and small. This will come about by seeing his consistency in his daily life, in his dealings with others and myself, his stability of character will win my trust and assure Him of my faith in Him.
He will be demanding as is His nature and expect me to meet his needs and wishes. At times He will be strict and unbending, not allowing me to manipulate him, He will stand His ground and not back down. Once He has made a firm decision He adheres to that and follows through with the known consequences. He knows His responsibility is great, and does not abuse the power given to Him. He will never take risks that He is not prepared for mentally, physically and emotionally, and He will never knowingly allow me to be in real danger. He will not blame me if things do not work according to His plans, He has the maturity to keep things in perspective and knows when to let go and move on from experiences that are not valuable.
The Dominant I seek relishes the dependence I have on Him, He understands my need to relinquish control, and submit to him. He encourages me to evolve and grow and He brings out that nature, the deepest most essential part of my being. He exposes me for who I truly am ~ ~~His rib.
* 'Kurios'.. Supreme in Authority ... Master or Lord (Old Greek)
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